Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Michael Bay diarrhea
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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