I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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