dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
