Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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