on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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