does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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