I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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