my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
