It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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