my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
there is puke in my bra ... again
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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