the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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