I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
