You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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