right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
