last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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