So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize