from now on my penis is your penis
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
