when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
