Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
