but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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