i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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