you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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