just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
