my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
