Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
