i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
