This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
