So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
