My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
