I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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