My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
