PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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