i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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