That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
