yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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