have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
