I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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