How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
