I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
