why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
