he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
