i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
