we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
