Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
