when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
