so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize