Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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