my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
