what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
