I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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