I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
