I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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