just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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