hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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