he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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