My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
