Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I came so hard my ears popped.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize