Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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