I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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