just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
