Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize