then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize