I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
