On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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