let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
