This is not my ceiling
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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