what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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