I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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