just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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