his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
