Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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