Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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