I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
