i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
