My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize