I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
And then he peed in my hair
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