You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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