walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
