remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
