Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You may now shotgun with the bride
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
