haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
