well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
